I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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