its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
