either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
