my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
