we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
