I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
