a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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