four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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