I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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