you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
