The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
