So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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