babies were throwing up all over the place
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
