Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
