I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
