I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
this boner is exhausting
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
