This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
