I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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