he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
