Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
