Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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