did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
did i just pee glitter
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
