My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
