The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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