At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
