UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
