there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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