she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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