I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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