I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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