Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
