I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
