This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
