I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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