Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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