Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Welp...herpes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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