i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
