Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
