Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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