I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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