This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
