I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
