he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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