she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
