I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
