i think my mom watched the whole time
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
