Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
