How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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