I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
