i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
