Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
